I just wanted to share something with you that has happened to me recently that has absolutely sucked. 2020 is def not my year!! So, let’s get down to this situation.
As I have mentioned, I have a lot of close male friendships. You know guys have friends that are girls because it gives them someone to talk about their feelings with and girls have friends that are guys because with them, there is much less drama. Brendan, has been one of my best friends for 12 years now. We have been like family. I am “Aunt Trish” to his kids and he’s “Uncle Brendan” to mine. They come over on Christmas Eve, day before Thanksgiving and are present at all the birthday parties. At my 50th birthday he was one of 4 people to make a speech. Last year I traveled half way around the world to his second wedding in Italy. I made a speech there to toast “the older brother I always wanted”. He knows my skeletons, and I know his graveyard. Complete TRUST. We have vacationed together many times. We texted each other multiple times a day. He is the male version of me, and I am the female version of him. We are the same type of people he and I. We are affectionate, warm, generous, fun-loving and easy going. That’s why we were best buds, until Yoko showed up. 😬
Brendan met Yoko (symbolic fake name) around 3 years ago. When the rest of our crew met her, we knew instantly that she was a bit more uptight, closed, and less people oriented. She really didn’t add to the fun however. But we liked her for the most part, and we were happy he was happy. Thelma and attended their beautiful wedding, being the close friends that we were.
Hot Tub Time Machine back to Jan 2020. It was a cold Winter Saturday night and our mutual buddy Tim was in town so Brendan organized a night out together. They all met up at 8pm and I had plans with one of our other friends, so I went my own way. At around 11:30pm, I was on my way home but received a text from Brendan telling me to get over to his house. All of my friends were still there and they wanted me to join. I was not stupid however, knowing how rigid Yoko was, I asked him if coming over this late was ok with her and he said yes no problem. So I went over. All of my friends were hanging out in their basement which is set up as a social room with tv, ping pong table, couches etc. I asked Brendan where Yoko was and he said asleep, two floors up. Brendan opened a bottle of Prosecco 🍾 and we all sat around together and enjoyed each other’s company.
Two hours later, half of us were watching a movie together and half were playing ping pong. All of a sudden we saw Yoko appear. It was like the Principal had arrived and we were all up for detention. Her mortified face said, “The party is over”.
We were all ushered out. We just got up and apologized to Yoko if we could have possibly woken her up. But really, don’t think so…we were two floors down and not being loud. We apologized regardless to smooth things over and exited stage left. 😬
In the days that followed, I could not help but notice that Brendan’s communication with me had stopped entirely. Bingo, he was in the proverbial dog house!!
From that point on he responded no to every invite I sent his way. Something had drastically changed. I called him out on it and played the situation down. He told me to just send Yoko an “I miss our friendship text” (which I obvi DID NOT, I missed HIS) and see if that would smooth things over. In the best interest of staying friends with Brendan, I reluctantly sent it. She texted back:
If you are interested in discussing this very serious issue with me, it will be very uncomfortable and requires a face to face meeting.
This is NOT anything I wanted to deal with. So I call Brendan and I let him know that I in no way am looking for some personality annihilation. If she wants to come to the peace table then ok, but I have NOTHING to apologize for nor did I do anything wrong here. He assures me it’s peace she seeks and meet her for one drink and then we can all hang out again. This is a good time to introduce the Urban Dictionary’s definition of Pulling a Yoko Ono:
The instance in which a woman, successfully breaks up your crew
I stupidly agreed to meeting up with Yoko. I thought my friendship with Brendan was worth saving, that’s the only reason why I agreed to put myself through this unnecessary pain. Our interaction went something like this:
We ordered two glasses of Sangria. I knew I needed something WAY stronger for this tete-a tete with Yoko aka Chernobyl, Ice Cube in Heels, The No Fun Zone….like a Jager bomb. 💣 I simply said to her to go ahead and tell me what’s on your mind and what has been this problem we have had for 6 months now. She loaded her artillery:
You disrespected MY house. You committed the cardinal sin of arriving after 11pm. Nobody with any class ever does that. It is an inexcusable violation. You were dead to me until now. I had no intention of ever speaking to you again but you reached out. Nobody with any dignity does this. I think you overestimated your importance in MY (huge emphasis 🙄) husband’s life. This was MY home not yours. Brendan and I are in full agreement on who does and doesn’t enter our lives and who spends time with us in our world. And do not make the mistake of underestimating me, I can be very vicious. 🐍
Translation: I rule the roost here and I tell him who he is ALLOWED to be friends with. 🙄
Internal Conversation to Myself: Blah, blah, blah. Are you f**king kidding me right now with this? I can’t believe I am here, I would rather stick needles in my eyes then listen to one more word come out of this bitch’s mouth, I answered:
You know Yoko, this is between you and Brendan, not me. HE invited me over. I asked him if it was ok with you, because I know how rigid and structured you are, and he said absolutely. I went with his authority as co-owner of your home.
Yes I have spoken to MY husband and you should never listen to him. But I hold you responsible too. You violated our secret rule of never arriving after 11pm. And then, when I came into the basement, you were sitting way too close on the couch to MY husband. This was immoral. And I am not at all jealous of you in this reaction, I never have been and I never will.
You won’t like this Yoko, but YOUR husband grabbed me in a neck hold and gave me a hug. Sorry that I didn’t reject it. I didn’t feel like insulting him and after all we love each other like brother/sister and I don’t think twice about his display of affection. After all, you know how much he likes to hug everyone, including DUDES!!! And do not forget that I live with another man whom you know VERY well.
FACT: I would rather eat a steaming plate of dog poo than kiss your husband.
You are NOT his sister. He wouldn’t have cared one shit that you rejected his hug. That’s what you should have done. I am also upset with Thelma because she was also sitting too close on the couch to Tim and he is married. So you are both dead to me.
Oh ok Yoko, so let me understand this. You aren’t mad at anyone else being down in the basement after the bewitching hour of 11pm but me and Thelma. Everyone else gets a free pass.
She agrees YES. This is what I call Hot Girl Discrimination. Just because we are attractive, somehow this translates that we want to give our buddies the jump!
This is my interpretation of the evening. Chilly Yoko goes to bed. Her husband stays up to hang out in his basement with his fun friends. She wakes up and he is GONZO. She flips out. She knows deep down that he would rather be with us than be in bed with her. Ego Holocaust for Yoko. She gives Brendan the ultimatum. He basically cuts his own balls off with his kitchen knife and hands them to her. She immediately displays them in her car hanging over the rear mirror as her pathetic trophy. She’s intimated by any woman who has an emotional yet platonic relationship with her husband. He allows her to make the execution.
As we are finishing up this lovely conversation, she tells me that she will put me on parole so to speak and I may earn my way back into her life. My response:
You don’t like me? That’s a shame. I will need a few moments to recover from the tragedy. My silence is just another way to say F**k You. We were all tolerating you anyway. Your insecurity is showing. I picked up my car keys and left.
After this encounter with Yoko, I texted Brendan to call me. He didn’t. Never beg someone to be in your life. If you text, call and try to get together and they ignore you, walk away. He isn’t the friend I thought he was. But funny thing, if the future goes as I think it will based on who Yoko is as a person; I will be the first person Brendan calls when he’s getting divorced. He better hope I pick up. 📱 She broke up the crew and he let her. Shame on him.
If you yourself have lost a friend due to an insecure wife or girlfriend, leave me a message and we can commiserate! I’d love to hear your story!
Stay EXTRA!!
